"We need to teach our children to be kind, not critical" Jennifer Livingston

Jennifer Livingston is the news anchor of WKBT tv's morning sh in La Crosse, Wisconsin. I guess she's kind of like the equivalent of Bill Turnbull. She's intelligent, articulate and doesn't take nonsense from people as she recently showed when a viewer sent her a highly obnoxious message suggesting that she should do something about her weight as she couldn't possibly be a suitable role model for the local community. The clear implication is that if she couldn't, she shouldn't be doing her job. Why should someone's ability to do their job be defined by their weight? Surely the job description of a news presenter is that they can communicate and interpret and analyse what's going on in the world.

Jennifer went on air and gave him what for in a calm and assured manner. The video of this event has now gone viral. In it she said:

Attacks like this are not ok. The truth is I am overweight. You could call me fat, or yes  even obese on a doctor's chart. But to the person who wrote me that email, do you think I don't know that, that your cruel words are pointing out something I do not see?...... You know nothing about me apart from what you can see from the outside. I am much more than a number on a scale. 

...What angers me about this is that there are children who don't know better, who get emails as critical as the one I received or worse every day. The internet has become a weapon and our schools have become a battleground and this behaviour is learned. It is passed down from people like the man who wrote me that email. If you were at home and you were talking about the fat newslady, guess what, your children are probably going to go to school and call someone fat. We need to teach our children to be kind, not critical. 

I wonder if Kenneth Krause, the personal injury lawyer who wrote the email, would have written such a thing to a man? I doubt it. 

I think it was great that Livingston was able to talk, calmly, about receiving this message on air. She didn't name Krause, but she made it clear that such conduct was unacceptable. In doing so, she sent a loud message to any kid who's being plagued by cyber or text bullying messages that they are not the one in the wrong. 

The fact that Krause could send such a rude, personal and abusive message to somebody says a lot about him and none of it's attractive in any way. How did he know that she wasn't going to completely fall apart when she read it?

This guy's a lawyer. He presumably earns a small fortune and has every material need catered for. It just goes to show that money can't buy manners. Despite having all the advantages life can throw at him, he still feels the need to spew bile, borne out of prejudice, at a high achieving woman. It's truly pathetic.

I'd like to know what other jobs he feels that fat people shouldn't do. Maybe he thinks that we should stay indoors, ashamed to be seen in public until our body mass index conforms. 

Like Jennifer, I am not a slight person. I am, by any definition, obese. I know that. I've struggled with it for much of my life. And if losing weight were just as easy as it sounds, you can bet your life I'd have done it by now. Believe me, I've read every diet book known to man. Maybe, one day, all the factors that need to fall in to place at the same time to help me do this will do so. Maybe they won't. In the end of the day, though, my weight is none of anybody else's business. 

My weight does not make me a bad person. Nor does it stop me from being a positive role model or making  worthwhile contribution to society. I can and I do. I'd like to think my interactions with family, friends colleagues and people further afield are a net gain for them as they are for me.My weight does not and should not define who I am and what I give to the world. 

Since school, I've never had anyone make an issue of my weight in an abusive way. I get the feeling it's only a matter of time, though. I remember being sick to my stomach when David Cameron showed his ignorance of addiction and mental health issues by making a distinction between those who were ill "through no fault of their own" and drug addicts and alcoholics. Scapegoating groups of people is simply not on, under any circumstances. When people hear their Prime Minister talk like that, they can take it as license to pick on a very vulnerable group of people - and that does nothing to help their fragile health. In the same way, a teacher laughing at a homophobic joke in front of  a class tacitly gives them permission to hold prejudice against LGBT people. Don't think that doesn't happen. 

Picking on people is just wrong. End of story. For whatever reason. The combative nature of our politics doesn't help much either. 

When I look at Jennifer Livingston, I see an intelligent, articulate, attractive, warm, feisty person who's secure in her own skin. I'm not alone. Thousands of people have written supportive messages on her husband Mike Thompson's Facebook page after he originally posted the email. This led Jennifer to end her message saying that "the cruel words of one are nothing compared to the shouts of many." We mustn't tolerate a society where bullies take people down in that way. It's important that we support and protect anyone who's targetted by bullies in that way. 

Nick Clegg's video in support of #AntiBullyingWeek

I wrote earlier this week about how my life had been pretty much shattered by bullies as a teenager. It was a hard post to write, even thirty years on.

When I was going through it, it didn't seem like anybody understood, and certainly the long term effects of bullying weren't recognised. It was unlikely that you'd be able to find any politicians talking about it.

Now, though, I'm so proud that we have a Deputy Prime Minister who's prepared to make an official Government video to support Anti Bullying Week. And what he says shows that he understands, properly, the issues involved. He talks about how the effects of bullying can last your whole life, he talks about homophobic bullying and how we should simply not put up with the word gay being used as an insult and about the practical ways the Government can help. He also specifically mentions bullying that happens beyond the school gate, which has been a real get out clause employed by schools to wash their hands of having to deal with it.

One of the things that I first saw in Nick that first day he stepped before the interviewing panel as a prospective Euro candidate in the East Midlands 12 years ago was his understanding of how it really was for people. He has such an ability to empathise, understand and try to find a solution to problems people bring to him. He cares deeply about barriers which hold people back from fulfilling their potential. I'm really grateful to him for making the fight against bullying a high priority for the Government.

Have a look at what he says here.



Oh, and by the way, the reason for the funny hashtag thingy in the title is that the anti bullying charity Bullying UK is wanting to get #antibullyingweek trending on Twitter, so please include it in any tweets you are making today to help them achieve their goal.

How bullying nearly destroyed my life - and how I wish things like #bigmarch had been around for me

Earlier today, I did a brief post about how I supported Beatbullying's Big March to kick off Anti-Bullying Week. Now I want to tell you a bit about why.


I've been procrastinating like anything to avoid writing this post because although I know the events I'm going to describe took place a long time ago, they cast a long shadow. Their stranglehold on my life is long gone, but the memories are not. I might have teased my sister for posting something inane on my Facebook wall a while ago when she has important work she needs to do, but how would I know if I hadn't similarly been wasting time.


Anyway, I've been thinking about writing this post for a very long time, but now is probably the right time. When Stephen wrote so movingly about how his experiences of homophobic bullying had almost led him to the brink of suicide, I thought about telling my story too. His account of standing on the breakwater as a 17 year old brought vividly to my mind those dark occasions I'd stood far above the sea and contemplated jumping as a young teenager myself.


I wasn't bullied for homophobic reasons. In fact, it was made very clear to me that no man, woman or even beast would ever find me attractive.

The bullying started in earnest when I went to secondary school. I was in a very dark place as a 12 year old. This isn’t the right place to explain why but when I experienced those feelings again in later life, the doctor called it Depression. To add to that, we’d moved so I was far away from the emotional bedrocks my wonderful grannies provided. I was vulnerable, alone and, let’s be honest, not very likeable. I certainly didn’t like myself much anyway.

During the first three years of high school, I was primarily known by two names, neither of which had been given to me by my parents. In English one day in first year, we were taking it in turns to read out a scene from a play. I couldn’t for the life of me tell you what it was but as fate would have it, the line I had to read was “I want a yak.” Quick as a flash, the boy in front of me yelled out “I always thought you were one……” Cue the entire class, including the teacher, to collapse in laughter. That spread like wildfire, and before long it became my name to the entire pupil body.

If we’d had Google images then, I might have discovered pretty quickly that yaks are really kind of cute, but I never really saw it that way at the time and I really don't think that the name was an affectionate one.

The other name came from the fact that, yes, I do have weird eyes. For that reason, people would hiss like a cat when they saw me coming, and spit out “Cat’s Eyes” as I passed.

I’m sure that doesn’t sound like much, but when you hear one or other of those things round every corner every day, you do feel less than human.

I became adept at varying my route to and from school to try to avoid the bullies who were there to pull my hair, or steal my stuff or point, or laugh, or kick or trip me up. They liked to mix it up a bit so I never really knew what I was walking into. I know it’s all quite low level, but it wore me down. I lived in perpetual fear and carrying that around everywhere was exhausting.

And then there was the damage or loss to property. One day I’d hung a blue jacket on the back of my seat. By the end of the lesson, it was covered in dark ink splodges. Despite the girl behind’s fingers being covered in ink, the school could do nothing because nobody had seen her do it.

It seemed at times like most of the teachers turned a blind eye to what was going on. Sometimes, it even felt like they were joining in. I remember lining up at the end of a class one day and one person called me a name. The teacher then repeated that name at me, legitimising what the bully had said, giving them a real boost and making me feel like there really was nobody who thought I was any good whatsoever.

I dealt with it by escaping into a bit of a dream world, from which some of my friends today would say I am yet to fully emerge, given my potential for being utterly scatty and unobservant. I had to wake up every morning though – and the first sensation was always fear induced nausea, before I even opened my eyes, as I wondered what new blow this day would bring. It was like a battle was going on inside me – most of me felt that I was completely worthless and deserved all I got, while there was a tiny seed of entirely irrational optimism which kept me going and ultimately held me back from a messy end on the rocks.

Things changed a bit in third year. I made some really good friends. If it hadn’t been for Karen, Diana, Angie and two Morags, I probably would have sunk into an irretrievable despair. Sure, people still did the Yak and Cat’s Eyes things round a fair few corners, but it became more bearable when I had people who affectionately thought I was a bit mad but put up with me anyway.

The long term effects, though , stayed with me for a good 15 years. I wonder if things would have been different if I’d had better support at school. If there had been intervention to both deal with the bullies and give me the therapy I needed to develop healthier coping strategies. As it is, I do feel that my confidence was affected to the extent that my future career prospects were adversely affected. I’m 43 years old, and, to be honest, although I’ve worked for a long time, I’ve not had a proper career.

As it turned out, it wasn’t until a severe bout of Depression in my late 20s that I was given the help and therapy I needed to come to terms with the effects of the bullying.

To anyone going through this today, I’d say that first of all, have hope. I couldn’t have predicted when I was 13 that 30 years later, I’d have a happy life, with the best daughter ever and a long  marriage to a good and loving man and a lot of longstanding, truly fabulous friends.  Seek out the help that’s available, that I never had, from people like Beatbullying and Bullying UK if you can’t get support from teachers or family.

I really want the Coalition to get to grips with this issue, to come up with a strategy which ensures that children don’t suffer from violence and harassment which robs them not just of their school days but their future wellbeing and potential too. That's why things like the Big March and Anti-Bullying Week are so important.

Why Beatbullying's #bigmarch is so important

Today, if you visit certain websites, you'll see a wee procession of brightly coloured avatars "marching" across the bottom of the screen. Those websites range from the JLS Official website (who says nothing good ever comes out of reality tv shows?) to the Demos think tank to Girlguiding UK and 57 other sites.

This is all part of  charity Beatbullying's Big March to call on the Coalition Government to take action on bullying. They want ministers to set up a commission to explore issues around bullying and take action. The particular issues they've highlighted are:

The scope, breadth and effect of child on child bullying, violence in schools, the wider community and online

The cost of bullying violence and harrassment of young people to wider society in economic, well-being and social terms

Can the introduction of specific legislation reduce the incidences of harassment?

Investigate how to best introduce cost effective, evidence based scalable bullying prevention programmes in schools, online and in the wider community.

I was particularly proud that the Coalition Agreement in May included a section on bullying:

We will help schools tackle bullying in schools, especially homophobic bullying

Today's Big March offers suggestions, at the start of Anti-Bullying Week as to how the Government can fulfil that part of its pledge. One of the over 800,000 avatars marching is mine, a little yellow thing with long, shaggy brown hair. I have a special reason for doing so, which I will put in a post later today.

It's not too late to join in. You can sign up here, join the Beatbullying Facebook page here, or follow the progress of the March on Twitter here.

Here is a video about the event, available on You Tube here:

Facebook, Bullying and an out of touch Archbishop

I think that the comments made by new Archbishop of Westminster Vincent Nichols linking social networking sites and teenage suicides are completely wrong. Costigan has already said why, but there are a few things I'd like to add.

Firstly, it's not as though Facebook invented bullying. As I well know, it was alive and kicking, and I mean kicking literally, in the 1980s for me. I will never, ever, forget the feeling of isolation and ostracisation I felt and I would never want anyone else to go through it. From the daubing of ink on my coat, to making certain animal noises whenever I approached, to calling names which really, really hurt, my first three years of high school were an absolute nightmare. I felt the effects on my confidence for a long time. I honestly did at times want to throw myself off a cliff.

I think we've all seen arguments blow up online which get all out of perspective, but in terms of social networking sites being used as instruments of bullying, then it's likely that the people who are using them are bullying their victims in real life as well. We've seen it with other forms of technology. Way back nine years ago when I was first involved in helping Cllr Marilyne McLaren stand for the Lib Dems in Edinburgh South, she was working on ways to combat text message bullying and now in her role as Convener of Education, Children and Families in Edinburgh, she has ensured that guidance on the use of mobile phones has been brought in.

I think one good thing about kids having fairly unfettered access to the internet is that it's also a whole load easier for them to get hold of help from organisations such as BullyingUK. They reckon they support half a million people a year on a budget of just £50,000. There was nothing like that back when I needed it almost 30 years ago and it's a vital resource for kids when their school or their parents either can't or won't do anything to help them and for those parents who do want to support their child.