Johann Lamont's best line ever at FMQs - and it wasn't even accurate....

It's been a bit of a pandatastic week.

The Edinburgh Zoo pandas have been here for 18 months and have so far managed to avoid the First Minister. Until the other day. The way he pronounced on Tian Tian's medical condition like he knew it all was quite scary. If I were her, I'd have felt he was a bit impertinent, to be honest.



Then Willie Rennie reminded us all how Salmond had pandaed to China on human rights last year saying on Facebook:

The First Minister’s cuddle with the pandas reminds us that last year he was warned off meeting the Dalai Lama by the Chinese Government. Alex Salmond shamed Scotland by putting his narrow interest above human rights. I can only hope that he has reflected on his misjudgement then and won’t make the same mistake again

And today, Johann Lamont had the Holyrood Chamber in hysterics at First Minister's Questions when she came out with what must be her best line ever:

The First Minister’s campaign started with a day at the cinema. A year on, he is going to the zoo. In our hearts, all of us know that his campaign is going nowhere. Scotland has a lot of sympathy for the panda, Sweetie. We know what it is to reject the unwanted advances of a big beast with only one thing on its mind.

A good line, but not entirely true. Certainly, in what has become the Annual Panda Mating Standoff at Edinburgh Zoo, Sweetie was having none of the idea. In fact, she even growled at Sunshine.The zoo veterinary lot blinked first and artificially inseminated her. When we went to see the pandas last month, the keeper told us that after she had had the procedure, Sweetie was, shall we say, more than mildly interested. The keepers wouldn't let nature take its course by that stage, though.

Lamont returned to the pandas as she ended her FMQ section which, as usual, took way too long...

 Perhaps the real reason why he went to see the pandas at Edinburgh zoo this week was to find out first hand from Sunshine how to deal with rejection.

It's not like Salmomd to miss a trick, but if I'd have been him, I'd have pointed out that anyone on the Labour benches would be able to share more first hand experience of rejection, but never mind. It was a funny moment.

Scomnishambles: a(nother) day Alex Salmond would rather forget

I probably owe Johann Lamont an apology. I thought she was letting Alex Salmond walk all over her at First Minister's Questions today. She was trying to pull him up on college shambles. He seemed absolutely sure of his figures. Nobody could have been in any doubt that college funding had not been cut, despite what Audit Scotland and the Parliament's own information centre said. What do they know? However, what appeared to be flogging a dead horse was in actual fact giving the First Minister enough rope. She managed to hide what she was doing under a series of scowls. She may have got lucky, but I'll give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she really did plan a denouement that had Salmond scuttling back to the Chamber later in the afternoon to apologise.

Salmond had been at his blustering best. Another member of the Scottish blogosphere, Ian Smart, got mentioned in dispatches. Salmond quoted Smart on one of Johann Lamont's advisers:

“If there is a more stupid, politically tone deaf, possibly fifth columnist, political adviser than Paul Sinclair then I’ve yet to meet them.”

He enjoyed that moment far more than was decent, too.

So, Ian joins Alex Cole-Hamilton and Andrew Page in the illustrious group of opposition people to have been mentioned by Salmond at FMQs.

Oh, by the way, one feature of today's event was the unedifying spectacle of Stewart Maxwell, the Education Committee Convener who only yesterday was saying that there was no need for an enquiry into Mike Russell's disproprtionate and outrageous behaviour which forced Stow College Chairman Kirk Ramsay into resignation. There was once a time when Holyrood Committees were respected and influential. Now their conveners are given toadying questions by the whips just like everyone else. It's quite pathetic. As Tavish Scott wrote in the Scotsman today, there's not much in the way of Parliamentary scrutiny for this Government.

The afternoon's proceedings kicked off with a fairly smug Point of Order from Hugh Henry and, later, the First Minister had to come back to the Chamber to admit on his and Mike Russell's behalf, that he'd got it wrong. You can watch it all here. And having seen Johann Lamont's response to him, I'm back thinking that she might have got lucky. She's going to need to learn to be pithy.

The SNP Government is squandering its reasonably justified reputation for competence and it's now impossible to believe a word Alex Salmond says. To be caught telling not the whole truth once was bad enough, but twice is definitely wrong. How many more times are we going to see Salmond dragged back to the Chamber with his tail between his legs. He said today that Labour had called for everyone's resignation bar his. That, if he carries on the way he is, may only be  a matter of time.

If this were the Obama campaign, someone more technically savvy than I would have Alex Salmond's comments at FMQs and his apology mashed up on You Tube by now.....

Holyrood honours the Queen

I've just been reading through the Parliamentary Debate which honoured the Queen's Diamond Jubilee yesterday. Each Party leader, including Patrick Harvie, made a short speech and I felt that they captured what the Queen means to Scotland and its people. Even though they weren't all united - Patrick wanted to discuss the possibility of an independent Scotland not having the Queen as Head of State. I'd have quite liked to have seen that pressed to a full debate, just to see whether the SNP would have held together. You get the impression that some of them aren't so keen on the "don't scare the horses" strategy taken by their leaders.

For the record, I would quite happily see us do away with the Monarchy. I'm not into inherited position. However, I realise that I'm in a significant minority. I have two options. I can sit and strop because I'm not getting my way, or I can appreciate the hard work that the Queen and members of her family do. The second option isn't really that hard to choose.

Having said all that, Alex Salmond gave a really good and warm speech. I loved the references to the previous Diamond Jubilee, of Victoria, in Scotland - and how there was a plot afoot to embellish Union Terrace Gardens in Aberdeen but it was his genuine appreciation of the Queen's relationship with Scotland that made me pleased.

Of course, many things do change. Over the six decades of the Queen’s reign, Scotland has altered dramatically and for the better. Constants have been the Queen’s dedication, impartiality and service. On her coronation day, the Queen said to her people:

“I have in sincerity pledged myself to your service, as so many of you are pledged to mine. Throughout all my life and with all my heart I shall strive to be worthy of your trust.”

Perhaps the highest praise that can be given to the Queen is that, throughout her reign, she has lived up to that pledge. 

Today, the Scottish Parliament has the opportunity to place on record our respect, admiration and gratitude for that service. In doing so, we recognise that, although the Queen is the head of state of 16 different nations and the head of the Commonwealth of 54 nations, she has always been a particular friend of Scotland. Indeed, she is more than a friend—she is family. She performed her first official opening duty here in October 1944, when she opened the Aberdeen sailors’ home. On one of her first engagements following her coronation, more than 60,000 Scots packed into Hampden park to welcome her on a visit to Glasgow. We look forward with particular pleasure to welcoming her back to Glasgow and Hampden park in 2014 for the opening of the Commonwealth games.

Willie Rennie gave a really sympathetic insight into what the Queen's life has been like, even talking about the risks she's faced, her own daughter being kidnapped in the Mall and finding Michael Fagan in her bedroom that morning. He talked about her bringing "real joy" to people's faces.

 I thank the First Minister for the gifts that he has chosen, which I think will gain widespread approval across Scotland. They are appropriate for the occasion, and I thank the First Minister for choosing well.

The Queen did not choose this life. Neither she, nor her father before her, expected to fulfil the role of monarch. It is against that backdrop that we judge and admire Her Majesty’s commitment to public service. I enjoy going to events such as the Fife show or to places such as Carnegie College. I enjoy meeting people on such occasions, but I think that I would find it hard if I faced doing that almost every day for the next 42 years, as I would have to do to match the Queen’s diary. If I particularly enjoyed a visit, I would not be able to extend it to find out a bit more about what went on behind the scenes, as I can do as a private citizen. If I did not like something, I would not be able just to nip off early and go to something else or go for a cup of tea. I would have to stay, do my duty and do the right thing, as the Queen has done for the length of her service. She has committed so much in personal duty and service.

My point is that although, from the outside, her life might look fantastic with all the palaces and the jewels, she took the role on at the age of 26 and could have given it up when she was 60, 70 or 80 but did not. She has chosen to carry on and to continue her service, despite the evident downsides. In 1974, her daughter was almost kidnapped. The security threats are real; she has faced intruders in her home.

Even today, after 60 years, the Queen brings more to public life than people ever expect. When we leave the Parliament late in the evening, we see people from all backgrounds leaving the Palace of Holyroodhouse after enjoying a reception in the palace or its gardens. It is clear that her hospitality goes way beyond what people expect. Across the country, when the Queen goes on visits, she brings joy to people’s faces and manages to create excitement and a real sense of celebrity. We should never ignore and should always admire that.

We should also remember how well judged her attendances at the Scottish Parliament always are. She displays poise and her speeches are always of the best class. The Queen always delivers much more than people expect. Therefore, after 60 years, on her diamond jubilee, it is right that Parliament takes time to mark and appreciate the service of Her Majesty.

I wasn't particularly struck by either Ruth Davidson's or Johann Lamont's speeches on this occasion. They didn't say anything  bad - more that they didn't say much at all. There just didn't seem to be any heart in them. 

I liked the presents that have been given - frugal by royal command - a redesigned garden at Holyrood Palace, a donation to a veterans' charity and an app celebrating the Queen and Scotland. I'm assuming it's the one called Queen of Scots which is free. Having looked at it, I could have done more with it given half a chance. It's a bit thin on detail - and there's nothing about Balmoral, or Crathie or the Braemar Gathering, for example. 

This weekend I'll certainly be raising a glass to toast a remarkable woman who has been at the forefront of the nation for all my life and beyond.  The first time I ever saw her was when she came up to take Prince Edward to Gordonstoun. I must have been 4 or 5. I remember being in a crowd queueing near the station in Inverness to see her. When I spent my Summers in Braemar working at the Youth Hostel, it was an everyday occurrence to see various royals driving or walking around the place. She has been prepared to change with the times and listen. I wish she'd do the one thing she's never done, though. I think an interview about her life would be absolutely fascinating. I hope that at some point we will hear what she has to say on the main events of her reign. 

Rennie: Salmond would dine out with Devil to further independence cause

I've been watching the love in between Alex Salmond and Rupert Murdoch with an increasing sense of foreboding. And it appears I might have good reason.

Have a look at this succession of tweets from Andrew Neil:

Especially the one where he says:

Murdoch never much liked UK but post-hacking he hates it. His revenge is to campaign for its break up. Scot Sun will back independence.

Apparently there's also a plot afoot to move the whole of BSkyB to Edinburgh.

The First Minister seems to be delighted to have such a backer for his cause that he's prepared to overlook the Murdoch empire's shameful record on phone hacking. Writing in the Sun on Sunday he said:

 "But the questions the probe is looking at relate to the industry, not one newspaper or company.

Aye, so it will, but why exactly was it set up in the first place? Because it emerged that the News of the World (prop that Murdoch man who was getting all cosy in Brute House last week) had hacked murdered Milly Dowler's phone. Does journalistic practice actually get more despicable than that?

You have to wonder what sort of media regulation there will be in an independent Scotland if Rupert and Alex  have their way. 

It's almost as if Salmond just doesn't care any more. He knows he's popular and quite clearly feels that he can do what he likes, even if that means sucking up to someone whose company has shown exceptionally poor ethical standards in its journalistic practices in order to secure media backing for independence.

I'm thrilled to see that Willie Rennie has challenged him on this. Many people will be glad that someone is standing up to the First Minister's increasingly ill-judged dalliances with the rich and powerful. 

“By seeking to exploit Rupert Murdoch's spiteful revenge for phone hacking the First Minister has confirmed that he will dine out with the devil to get his way on independence.

“The First Minister has already defended News International in his recent Sun on Sunday column and now he's seeking a grubby deal with the media tycoon to support splitting Scotland from the rest of the UK.

"This is a cynical attempt to exploit Rupert Murdoch's personal grudge and grievance against UK politicians who rightly criticised the News of the World and the Sun over phone hacking.

“The real substance of last week’s cosy fire-side chat with Rupert wasn't jobs but his revenge over Leveson. Has the First Minister no shame?"

If you are as outraged as Willie that Salmond has "traded defence of Murdoch over phone hacking for Murdoch's support for independence, why not get regular updates from him on his Facebook page?

Note that we're not hearing much on this from either Ruth Davidson or Johann Lamont, whose parties have heavily courted the Murdoch empire over the years.