Monday, June 29, 2009

Fantasy Liberal Cabinet

Those nice people at Lib Dem Voice have given us the task of forming a Fantasy Liberal Cabinet, which can include politicians past and present. The Hon Lady Mark has taken this a step further and allocated me the job of Secretary of State for Scotland in a Lib Dem bloggers' cabinet. I am of course honoured to accept and look forward to working with First Minister Bernard to introduce STV for Holyrood elections. Inverness will get its bypass, we'll have a new Forth crossing in no time, we'll get working on getting more powers for the Parliament based on what people actually want, we'll use the ones we've already got to maximum effect and everything in Scotland will be sunny and rosy.

Anyway to be serious (kind of), here's my list:

Nick Clegg– Prime Minister cos he's personable, a good leader and will get the best out of his team

Vince Cable – Chancellor of the Exchequer - altogether now "noooo - body does it better, Ba-aby you're the best"

Shirley Williams – Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs - she has such a passion for liberalism and human rights and we could trust her to be ethical

Baronness Ros Scott - Leader in the Lords. She will have to wear the silly hat when they elect a new speaker.

Alistair Carmichael – Home Secretary - in this job you need someone whose liberal instincts you can trust at all times.

Jo Swinson – Justice. I think she'd be great at bringing in a truly rehabilitative justice system.

Steve Webb – Work & Pensions - nobody knows it better.

Sandra Gidley – Health - her professional background will help here

Diana Maddock – Education. As a former councillor, she'll have the experience to deal with this

Tim Farron – Environment, Food and Rural Affairs

Willie Rennie – Energy and Climate Change. Will be practical and knowledgeable and is against nuclear power

Susan Kramer– Transport again another expert in the field

Elspeth Attwooll – Defence. She won't buy us any more nuclear weapons!

William Beveridge – International Development - he formed the welfare state, now he can sort out world poverty

Paul Holmes– Communities and Local Government - nobody knows housing better and we need someone in that job who can deliver for the sakes of the millions of homeless and inadequately housed people

David Penhaligon – Constitutional Affairs. Can you just imagine how he would make the case for the sweeping reform we need. Still miss him all these years on.

Clement Freud – Culture, Media and Sport. Think he'd raise the game a bit!

Julia Goldsworthy – Chief Secretary to the Treasury I can see her being effective at slicing up the pie to each department

Ming Campbell - Leader of the Commons - he knows Parliament and how to reform it

Paddy Ashdown - Secretary of State for Northern Ireland to knock heads together when necessary

Russell Johnston - Europe - does anybody know more than Russell about Europe?

Ray Michie - Secretary of State for Scotland - the Queen of Home Rule would know what it's all about

Lynne Featherstone - Business Secretary (or whatever it's called these days)

I think it's quite important that these people don't develop that Amnesia that ministers sometimes fall prey to - you know, how they forget that they have some accountable directly to people, or that they are actually a member of a political party whose members expect them to do things like stick to party policy and stuff like that. SO, I'm going to nominate some special advisers who will keep them on their toes. I won't give them departments, cos they'll be able to sort that out for themselves.

So, in charge of keeping these people real and giving them a kick up the arse when they deserve it are, in no particular order, James Graham, Jennie Rigg, Charlotte Gore (but it's probably best if we keep her away from public spending decisions so as not to scare lefties like me), Costigan Quist, Helen Duffett, Stephen Tall, Dr Pack (just in case any of them start slacking) and Cllr the Hon Lady Mark. I'm sure these esteemed advisers won't let anybody away with any nonsense.

And just as a thought - this is most definitely not party policy, but I think what we should appoint a new Archbishop of Canterbury just before we disestablish the Church!

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6 comments:

Stephen Glenn said...

I see the Lady Mark gave you an easy assignment. I've got to keep an eye on Peter Robinson and Martin Maguinness and ensure they keep talking. Plenty of Camomile tea I reckon.

James said...

Caron, can you explain how you think we can meet the 42% carbon reduction target and have yet another road crossing to Fife? Alternatively, would you rather have the bridge than those targets?

Also, I'm sorry to break it to you, but Sir Clement died in April.

Caron said...

I know that Fife's economy needs that bridge and it has to be built. End of story.

I know about Sir Clement's death. If you look further, you'll see that I've also included Russell Johnston who died last July and Ray Michie who died a couple of months before that - if you look at the meme, it's politicians past or present and in fact the original had David Penhaligon and William Ewart Gladstone in it.

Jennie said...

Ooo! Ooo! Can I be arsebishop of Caterbury? You don't have to be a Christian, do you? I think a female Atheist Arse Bishop would be a pleasant change!

James said...

Apologies, I hadn't seen that, and wasn't aware of the other two.

Also, I'm not sure there's an Arsebishop in the Cabinet, although perhaps there should be.

Caron said...

The Arsebishop is just a bit of gratuitous fun. Jennie, I'm going to let Kelvin do it first, though. I think a female atheist in the post is a wonderful idea, though. Imagine the headlines in the Daily Mail!

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