Monday, January 24, 2011

#F1 Martin Brundle tells us what he'd do if he were PM

My Monday morning malaise was lightened by reading an unlikely interview in Total Politics magazine. That publication, by the way, is Cosmo for political junkies. I have just managed to renew my sub for considerably less than last year, so this might be a good time to sign up if you haven't already.

Anyway, every month they ask some non politico what they would do if they were PM with often hilarious results. This issue it was the turn of F1 commentator supreme, Martin Brundle. Well it was just as funny as you'd expect. It's not up online yet, but I'll give you some snippets:

When asked who his Andy Coulson would be (before, obviously, the real Mr Coulson took his leave), he replied that he'd put Clarkson in the role to "abuse all and sundry" while Brundle looked "like a comparatively nice guy". I'm sure Jake Humphrey, the main BBC F1 presenter will be gutted to have been overlooked for a role for which he is supremely qualified, particularly as part of the remit is to talk cars when they get bored. However, I actually think that there is an even better choice. A Head of Comms is supposed to keep a reasonably tight leash on their subject, so I'd love to see Brundle being managed by Tania from that German TV station. If their encounters on the grid walk are anything to go by, the firestorm they would create would fill the political pages for months on end, although only one of them would ultimately survive.

I'm not entirely sure Michael Schumacher is suited to being demoted to mere chauffeur, driving PM Brundle around in a black Jag XJ. Schumi is used to having a say in strategy and having the team run around him, so there could be a clash of wills there. And Sabine Kehm, his formidable and long serving PR would be quite a match for Tania....... It would make Alistair Campbell and Charlie Whelan's rivalry look like a teddy bears' picnic.

When asked how he'd redecorate No 10, he said there was no way he'd live in a noisy cul de sac and he'd "move the whole gig to Chequers and use video conferencing, Facebook and Twitter to get things done transparently". That surprises me, because he's spent his entire life living within a very small radius of King's Lynn. Would he really take the plunge and move to the Home Counties. Can't see it somehow. Brundle only signed up to Twitter last week. At the time we thought it was due to his promotion to lead commentator, keeping in touch with his adoring public. Now it appears like it might be the first part of his plan to take over the world.

This would be very scary indeed, given his plans to deal with dissent: After a first attempt to engage hecklers, "if they booed again I'd either have them eliminated, or call my Mum".

The rest of the interview is in similar vein. Well worth reading, and it made me giggle but if you ever have a complaint about the Coalition, just think, it could be a whole load worse with Brundle, Clarkson and Simon Cowell as Chancellor in charge.

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